Hidden Disabilities
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I am labeled as having a hidden disability, however I have been impacted by it all my life. My disability became more evident when I entered school. I have been accused of being stupid, lazy, disruptive, and disorganized, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't change these things. I lived with a voice inside of me that asked, "What is wrong with me?" I began to feel stupid and ashamed at a very early age. I would study for school but when I was in class it was as though I had never opened a book. I was disorganized, nervous, and always jumping from one task to another never finishing anything. I didn't know what was wrong with me--nor did any one else. I eventually gave up and dropped out of high school in the 10th grade. The stress of not being able to keep up and the sense of never-ending, impending doom, finally caught up with me. I have a learning disability and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). My learning disability has to do with the manner in which I take in information, how my brain files this information, and how I retrieve it. My ADD manifests itself in attention, concentration, and organizational skills. I'm the individual in the classroom who cannot filter out extraneous noises and who is bothered by any activity taking place in the room. I rigorously strive to attend to the instructor and the information s/he is presenting.
My learning disability and my ADD were not diagnosed until long after my children were born and in school. My daughter began having learning problems at a young age and the dialogue I was hearing from her teachers was familiar to me. I was seeing history repeat itself through her. As I was participating in these dialogues it was as though a light bulb went on inside my head. The voice inside me had an answer. When my daughter was diagnosed with her disability I was able to get her immediate assistance. As I saw her grades and self-esteem improve, and as I contemplated returning to school myself, I sought testing and was diagnosed with a learning disability.
As an adult I still have emotional scars that were imprinted on me as a child with ignorant labeling: lazy, disorganized, stupid, disruptive. Most importantly I was plagued by the fact that I was a high school dropout. Today I understand my disabilities. With my diagnosis I began to learn that I wasn't the label of my disability, I just needed to get the information differently. With knowledge and confidence I went back to school to get the education I was denied. I was 47 years old.
Learning does not come easily to someone with a learning disability, but with support systems it is possible. UCSB offers support systems for individuals with learning disabilities to meet their individual needs. The Disabled Students Program (DSP) is much broader in scope, providing a wide range of services to individuals with all types of disabilities both permanent and temporary. Comprehensive documentation is required to register with DSP; however, the cost of such testing is well worth the investment in one's future.
To compensate for my learning disability and attention deficit disorder, I employ compensatory strategies to match my learning style. Accommodations I receive from DSP are: extended time to take exams, computer accommodations, and note-taking services. I also utilize Campus Learning Assistance Services for tutorial assistance. They assist with reinforcing information presented in class. With the support of the resources on campus, the encouragement of DSP, the College of Letters & Science, and CLAS staff, I have furthered my understanding and my capabilities. My disability is no longer something that stops me from believing in myself or achieving my goals.
Today, I'm a religious studies major in my senior year. I hope to graduate next year with my husband and children cheering me on as I accept my diploma.
Today, there are no barriers to my dreams and I've learned first-hand that you can't go back in time, but it's never too late to learn. I'm very grateful for the world that has been opened to me through higher education. I encourage all students who have a learning disadvantage to forge ahead no matter what the obstacles may be, for the rewards far outweigh the disadvantages. My grandmother used to say "shoot for the moon; you just might land among the stars."
- Susan Dobson, Religious Studies
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